mixed emotions.

looks like another sleepless night. this is getting frustrating. I just want one good deep sleep. just one. is that so much to ask for!?

Today was the first day (well, yesterday) was the first day I went without talking to brian. its definitely a weird feeling and I won't lie, I don't like it one bit. But thats how it is. I knew what I was getting into when we agreed to be in a relationship... but I never imagined it would affect me this way. If anything, its definitely proving to me how much I really do care about him and how much of a best friend he's becoming. I tell him everything... everything good that happens and everything bad. When my nephew says something funny or someone at work says something bitchy. He knows about it.

I have never been a girl to have really close girl friends. I've always hung out with guys and had just a small handful of close girls to go to. but lately, I've never felt closer to my girlfriends. I have that set of girls I know I can go out with and have a great time. Gossip with. Cry with. Laugh with. Its a great feeling. I am really going to stay committed to these friendships. But whats amazing about the friendships I have with these girls is that I don't have to talk to them every day all day to know they're there for me. another great feeling.

So this blog has mixed emotions. I'm tired a hell. Anxious to talk to Brian. Frustrated with not being able to just sleep. So in love with my boyfriend. and feeling great about the friends in my life right now.

now I am going to go toss and turn until the sun comes up.

The Hills Are Alive.

I hate to do this, but did you see the series finale of the "The Hills"!? If you didn't I'll fill you in. (I promise, there is a really good point to all of this!!)

So Lauren had left the show about a year ago and Kristin, "the bitch", stepped in. So now Kristin was living the life that Lauren once did.. the parties, the drama, the romances and the break ups. Well, the series has now come to an end. The final show was about how everyone was starting to go their separate ways in life. Lo was in a serious relationship and her boyfriend wanted her to move in with him. Stephanie finally found a good guy who really could relate to her and things were looking up there. Audrina moved out of Hollywood and into a house right on the beach just a short drive away. Heidi hasnt been around for a while and there is talk of her and Spencer divorcing. And well, Kristin is trying to figure out what she wants out of life. It was so weird how well I could relate to each one of these girls as I was watching this final episode. I'm having the same challenges in my life right now. I graduate in less than a year and I have to make decisions. I have to decide if Ohio is really where I want to stay. I'll be honest, as of right now, I definitely want to leave. I want to see the rest of the world. I'm young and if I have the opportunity, I should take it. I'm sure the girls of "The Hills" didn't worry about what their parents thought of them moving to LA and having their lives taped. Thats my problem, I worry too much about what everyone thinks and how they'e going to react rather than just staying true to how I feel and what I want. It's time for me to move on from what I have known and explore something new. Somewhere new.

Oh Life.

wow, its been a while since i posted. A lot has happened. But what mainly has been going on is that Brian deployed on Monday. We're used to the long distance thing, heck we built our entire relationship through long distance. But we got two weeks to finally be a "normal" couple and go to do "normal" couple things. It was great. But goodbye had to come and it sure was tough. I am hoping these next seven months go by fast. We're used to being able to talk whenever through texting or a phone call, but the other side of the world doesn't allow that capability.We'll get used to it just in time for him to come home. haha.

It sucks, I've had so much going through my head with all of this and now have no idea what to write...well, type. Honestly, I'm just so exhausted. I haven't gotten much sleep the past two nights due to worrying/thinking about Brian. I know, silly. But I really care for this man. He is really such a good genuine guy doing great things in his life.

On the plus side, I am LOVING my MACbook. It's nice to have a computer that works and doesn't take 10 minute and 3 tries to start!