Gray Skies Are Gonna Clear Up

So I had my first counseling appointment yesterday in a while, and man, it was nice to be reassured that I am doing really well in the different aspects in my life and that I am indeed not crazy.

I have been on a roller coaster ride of extremes the past few weeks. Either of extreme happiness or extreme anger and sadness. I have been blamed and made to feel guilty for things that I have absolutely no control over and I have been made to feel that I am completely irreplaceable. There has been no content, just one or the other. It's exhausting. I am exhausted emotionally.

There are less than 3 weeks left until graduation and its so bittersweet. I remember this feeling in high school. I was so happy to start something new, yet at the same time not ready to leave my comfort zone of CHS. Now this is a bigger departure from my comfort zone, not only am I leaving a university I have spent the past 2 1/2 years at, but I am going to be done with my education (until I decide if I am going to get my masters). I enter the "real world" of paying bills, buying groceries and every other duty that comes along with this initiation.

There are a lot of emotions with this move to California too. I have been in the same bedroom, with the same four walls for 15 years. Its another comfort zone. In college, my room has most definitely been my zone. Everything I need is there and its where I spend most of my time at home. I have pictures every where and memories of my childhood all around me. In just a month I will have to pack all of that up and move it. I know nothing besides Centerville and my parents house. I know I need to go, start a life for myself, and for once, really focus on myself, but its still so scary yet so exciting.

Every day is a constant battle in my head. "Katie, get up, go shower and get things done today". "Okay, Katie, you need to get up to get ready for work" "Katie you have got to get this homework done". What goes on in my mind people can't obviously see. But just because I am back on meds, doesn't mean I am cured. Depression is something SO much more than that. After a couple years of counseling and work, I have created this sort of discipline in my head to get up out of bed and do things.

So here I sit, in between one of the few classes I have left of my college career. I better study for a test I have in a couple of hours. Can't wait for some sunshine.

USA.

I am overwhelmed with emotion right now!!! History has been made... Osama Bin Ladin has been put to justice and that justice is death. Thousands of people have died because of this man and I hope that his death brings some type of relief for those who survive. I had chills all last night while watching the news. I have not seen such American pride since September 11, 2001. I hope this event lifts the spirits of Americans who have seemed to think that this war is going no where and has been a waste. We have taken down Suddam Hussein and Osama Bin Ladin. You don't mess with the United States of America. I could not be more proud to be an American right now. I don't care if you believe in the death penalty or not, be proud to be an American right now.

While we take in this overwhelming excitement of history being made, we have to remember that the war on terror is not over yet. It is likely that Al Qaeda will retaliate. So prayers to our troops who are defending us in the Middle East and all over the world.