I am so tired of worrying about what other people will say or think about me if I do something. I am tired of being judged and held up to certain expectations. It's like because I have been one way my whole life, I am expected to remain that way forever. Things that I may not agree with or enjoy at one time, I feel like I can't change my mind without being judged. Its cruel. Yet at the same time, it is just as much my fault because I have allowed myself to worry about what others think. I worry about what they might say and sometimes it prevents me from doing things that I may actually enjoy doing.
Last night I got my very first tattoo. I went in with a picture in mind of exactly what I wanted: a small cross on my foot. I came out with a cross on my foot, but it is not as small as I was planning on or talking about. But it came out really cool and I really like it. I got a lot of support from my friends, but when it came to some of the most important people in my life, I only felt like it was disappointing. What does it matter if I like it? If I am happy with it? I feel like for so long my happiness has not been taken into consideration, only stereotypical expectations.
I am done. I can't take it anymore. If you don't like me or my decisions, then leave. I am 20 years old and an adult now. I know the consequences of a tattoo--permanent. But how does that affect you!? It doesn't. I chose a cross to symbolize God and how He is the only one to not betray me or hurt me in my life. It's the meaning that counts, not the size, not the permanency, not the color or style. I know some people consider tattoos "trashy" but let them. I got something with meaning, not something random because I was drunk and felt the need to tattoo someone's name on my ass.
So I ask of you this bloggers, worry about your own happiness and just SUPPORT someone in what makes them happy. Because if you don't, they are only upset and living in a world of second guesses. They start to question every move they make in fear that someone they love won't agree with it. The happiness of another person is their happiness, not yours. Don't be so selfish.
Love, sometimes you confuse "lack of excitement" for "lack of support" I asked the above questions not out of being unsupportive, but out of curiousity - I knew you wanted a tatoo. I knew you wanted a cross. I didn't try to stop you - you're a big girl. But I was curious as to the meaning behind it and if you were happy with how it turned out. Legit questions - not lack of support. So, if I am one of the above people you are referring to as not being "supportive" please know that I am. As for mom and dad, they'll come around. Change is hard for mom - you know that. Give her time and she will probably want to get one herself.
ReplyDeleteJust worry about you and who you want to be and what you want to do. Don't worry about anything else. As family, I'll always be here and supportive!
Maybe its time for you to get an apartment and start truely living life on your own - I think you'll really discover happiness then :) I know I did!
You weren't one of those people :) haha. but thank you :) I am really starting to wonder if moving out would be good for me. I feel like I will really feel that independence I have been fighting, get a real taste of adulthood.
ReplyDeleteOh good, I was sooooooooooo worried! Moving out would be good I think. :)
ReplyDeleteI recently had to go ask the people my roommates been gossiping to about me in hopes that their opinions of me hadn't changed because of what she had said. I know how you feel. I'm sick of doing things because people approve or disapprove. I'm sick of not doing things because of the same reasons. I don't like that I have to live my life by someone elses standards. Living with my roommate is the same ordeal. When I am in that room with her, it's unacceptable for me to watch band videos. Because, according to her, it's lame. She made fun of my hobbies and my interests because it wasn't something she was fond of. She never gave it a chance, she never tried. I wish the world was accepting. It's time to make ourselves happy! I hope you have a wonderful day today! :)
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