Depression is quite possibly the worst thing for a person to go through. It is a battle from inside. It is almost like a demon has come inside and taken all of what you live for. That special light that lies within each human being is taken from you. And for no reason at all. I have had NO drive to do anything but lay in bed and sleep. That light, that spark has just been taken from me.
Tomorrow is the beginning of something great for me. I have been given a new anti depressant, Lexapro, to start taking. I originally came off of the meds for the wrong reasons, but am realizing it has helped me realize this is something way deeper and stronger than a mind over matter issue. I have realized though that Cymbalta is not a good anti depressant for me. It worked while I was on it, but as for coming off of it, there is no way I am going to do that to myself again. I have put myself through enough and my body, mind and spirit deserve some good; which is what I am hoping to get from this new medicine.
Most importantly, I have put the people who matter the most to me through enough. To my friends, family and wonderful boyfriend, I am truly sorry for my insanity the past month. I' have not been myself at all. I am anxious to get my life back. Thank you for sticking with me. Especially Brian, you are who I have probably been the toughest on and I hate what this has put us through. But we are stronger than this dumb depression and we are stronger than deployment. You'll be home soon enough and we will be given our, much deserved, time to be together. I love you. and I love all of my friends for being so wonderful and I love my family for being so understanding.
As of tomorrow, I start over. Everything from this past month is put behind me. I am looking at all of this differently. The medicine won't take action immediately, but I am not going to sit around and wait anymore. This is in my hands. It has been the whole time but I haven't had the drive or the interest in fixing myself. The only reason why I got that extra push to get a hold of all of this is because I went through all of this before. I realized what this was and what it was doing. So if you are the praying type, please keep me in your prayers the next couple of weeks as I get a hold of my life again. I feel confident and comfortable going back on medicine. I needed to know that this was something that was indeed a biological chemical imbalance and not just due to the negative energy in my life at the time I originally decided to start medication.
"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine"
Katie, my dearest, i'm so glad you've decided to go back on the medication. i myself despise taking medication, but if it's helping you, you need to stay on it, just like i need to stay on the medications that are helping me. i didn't know how deeply this issue was hurting you. i did notice you weren't yourself, and i realize now that i've kinda distanced myself from you because of it. but i hope you know that that was totally by accident and that i'm always a text or call away if you truly need me. i will always love you like a sister. please text or call me soon. i miss you. and i will always be praying for you. Love always, Heidy
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