It's finally time.
I leave tomorrow.
I can't believe this is actually happening.
If anyone out there knows me, they know this is so unlike me. I bought a plane ticket in April to go to San Diego to see Brian. Now two months have passed and its time for me to board the plane tomorrow night and fly six hours west. I need this though. It's been a hell of a year. School and work have owned my life. My health has not been in tip top shape since the pancreatitis. and of course, the break up. I'm getting away from everything here, everyone here for the week and worrying about nothing and no one but Brian. This is our time to really be together after months of communicating only through technology.
I can't wait.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
For Those Who Don't Know
November of 2009 I woke up in the middle of the night with terrible pain under the right side of my ribs. I honestly thought it was just gas and just tried to sleep it off. After an hour, I realized it was something more and went and woke up my parents. Dad jumped out of bed and was ready to take me to the ER that very minute. But it being 4:00 in the morning we weren't sure how quick we'd be seen and if it were just a better idea to go see my family doctor in the morning. We chose to wait. I crawled up in bed with my mom so she could kind of monitor me and finally fell back to sleep. I went and saw my doctor in the morning and she drew all sorts of blood. I went home and took it easy the rest of the day before work. Later that day on my way to work received a phone call from my doctor. She had the results of some of my blood work, the diagnosis: pancreatitis. She told me I needed to be admitted as an inpatient at the hospital to be monitored because how they treat pancreatitis is not allowing you to eat or drink anything. So off to the hospital I went.
Once we got there I was admitted to the ER, had more blood drawn, and hooked up to an IV. After having an ultrasound done, my very good looking ER doctor came in with good news: no surgery. So I was taken up to a room for the night. I got no sleep that night. I had a CT scan done at 4 am and was up for 2 hours before that drinking the stuff for it. Had another IV put in and almost passed out. And had nurses checking in throughout the night. I don't even remember the doctor coming in to talk to me. Who knows what I told him.
After 2 nights in the hospital I was able to go home. At this point I had lost abut 10 pounds in a month. I was weak and worn out. My family and I were pretty set on it being the birth control that I was on for the past year. December I had a scope done and that showed that there was scar tissue on my pancreas which does indicate an attack. My GI doctor said she doesn't like to call it pancreatitis unless the enzyme levels are elevated 3x what they're supposed to be. This makes me question "how would this all be different if we had gone to the ER right away?" I was put on a couple different medications. enzymes to help digest my food, an awesome blue looking pill to stop the immediate need to run to the bathroom, and pain and anit-nausea pills were given to me too. In January I had a scan done to test the function of my gall bladder... 98% functioning.
I was doing well for a few months. The weight has been hard to put back on but for the most part I had been out of pain. Until about a month and a half ago. I had another attack on my way to school. It started in my back and right shoulder. Right shoulder pain is associated with gall bladder issues. Then I got a cold sweat, faint feeling, pain underneath my ribs, and nauseous. I turned around and went back home to make a drs appointment. The blood work this time came back with normal liver levels and 1 set of pancreas levels were normal. The other enzyme was 136.. it should be 0-60. So here we go again. My doctor was pretty set on just taking my gall bladder out. But I didnt want to have to go through a surgery and still have issues. So yesterday I had a EGD done. I was moderately sedated and they went in through my mouth and down my esophagus and took pictures. She was looking to see if my gall bladder was pumping mico crystals or powdered stones to my pancreas.
So here I wait again for results. And there was the story of the past 8 months of my health. I really hope we get answers from this set of tests. I am done not knowing why this is going on.
Once we got there I was admitted to the ER, had more blood drawn, and hooked up to an IV. After having an ultrasound done, my very good looking ER doctor came in with good news: no surgery. So I was taken up to a room for the night. I got no sleep that night. I had a CT scan done at 4 am and was up for 2 hours before that drinking the stuff for it. Had another IV put in and almost passed out. And had nurses checking in throughout the night. I don't even remember the doctor coming in to talk to me. Who knows what I told him.
After 2 nights in the hospital I was able to go home. At this point I had lost abut 10 pounds in a month. I was weak and worn out. My family and I were pretty set on it being the birth control that I was on for the past year. December I had a scope done and that showed that there was scar tissue on my pancreas which does indicate an attack. My GI doctor said she doesn't like to call it pancreatitis unless the enzyme levels are elevated 3x what they're supposed to be. This makes me question "how would this all be different if we had gone to the ER right away?" I was put on a couple different medications. enzymes to help digest my food, an awesome blue looking pill to stop the immediate need to run to the bathroom, and pain and anit-nausea pills were given to me too. In January I had a scan done to test the function of my gall bladder... 98% functioning.
I was doing well for a few months. The weight has been hard to put back on but for the most part I had been out of pain. Until about a month and a half ago. I had another attack on my way to school. It started in my back and right shoulder. Right shoulder pain is associated with gall bladder issues. Then I got a cold sweat, faint feeling, pain underneath my ribs, and nauseous. I turned around and went back home to make a drs appointment. The blood work this time came back with normal liver levels and 1 set of pancreas levels were normal. The other enzyme was 136.. it should be 0-60. So here we go again. My doctor was pretty set on just taking my gall bladder out. But I didnt want to have to go through a surgery and still have issues. So yesterday I had a EGD done. I was moderately sedated and they went in through my mouth and down my esophagus and took pictures. She was looking to see if my gall bladder was pumping mico crystals or powdered stones to my pancreas.
So here I wait again for results. And there was the story of the past 8 months of my health. I really hope we get answers from this set of tests. I am done not knowing why this is going on.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
so busy!
Since I have been so very productive, I finally have some time to sit and blog ! It's been a while! A lot has been going on with the end of the quarter coming up. I have SO much to get done in only a matter of now a week. But in 2 weeks, I'll be in California :)
My senior year is about here. College has gone by so fast! It is time to start making decisions. Important decisions. Do I go to Grad school? If I do, where? Do I stay in Ohio? Do I leave? Do I move out into my own apartment? The answers to all of these questions have got to me made soon and its terrifying! ...yet exciting.
Of course there has been drama. When isn't there drama? That is what sucks about Centerville. Everyone knows everyone and everyone talks. That's why leaving sounds so appealing to me. I wouldn't be leaving to run from baggage here or be running from anything here, there is nothing to run from. I would be leaving to experience life and set up a life of my own. We'll see. All depends if I get a job out of college or decide to go to Grad School.
My San Diego trip is coming up so soon! I'm getting anxious. I cannot wait to see Brian and just be there with him without a single care in the world. ...sounds pretty amazing huh? ...i think so :)
My senior year is about here. College has gone by so fast! It is time to start making decisions. Important decisions. Do I go to Grad school? If I do, where? Do I stay in Ohio? Do I leave? Do I move out into my own apartment? The answers to all of these questions have got to me made soon and its terrifying! ...yet exciting.
Of course there has been drama. When isn't there drama? That is what sucks about Centerville. Everyone knows everyone and everyone talks. That's why leaving sounds so appealing to me. I wouldn't be leaving to run from baggage here or be running from anything here, there is nothing to run from. I would be leaving to experience life and set up a life of my own. We'll see. All depends if I get a job out of college or decide to go to Grad School.
My San Diego trip is coming up so soon! I'm getting anxious. I cannot wait to see Brian and just be there with him without a single care in the world. ...sounds pretty amazing huh? ...i think so :)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Too Much of a Good Thing is Bad
I express myself too much. I also expect people to care. And that's the thing. They don't. They don't care how I feel nor do they care about what I am up to. It just amazes me how you can be a part of people's lives for so long yet they still just don't care.
My ex boyfriend's family is what is truly bugging me. I looked at them as if they were my own family. I don't have a big family, so being around so many aunts, uncles, and cousins was nice. That's where I went wrong and a lesson learned for the next man. I am no one to them now and I really feel that now. Yes, they're his family, they're going to side with him, but I just don't get how you just... don't care. Maybe it proves to me how foe they are. The things I heard and even witnessed on my own are really sticking out right now to me, but I was so blinded by love for 2 years that it has taken a mended heart and a clear mind to really see this.
What I have realized is that it doesn't matter the size of the family. My family is not huge but we have a lot of love. We don't back stab each other or gossip about one another. We just love. There's no serious drama. I don't want it any other way. I will NEVER fit in with a significant others family or my future husband's family the way that I fit into my own. I hope to be accepted and welcome, but when it comes down to it, I'm a Schiefer, that's where I'll always belong.
My ex boyfriend's family is what is truly bugging me. I looked at them as if they were my own family. I don't have a big family, so being around so many aunts, uncles, and cousins was nice. That's where I went wrong and a lesson learned for the next man. I am no one to them now and I really feel that now. Yes, they're his family, they're going to side with him, but I just don't get how you just... don't care. Maybe it proves to me how foe they are. The things I heard and even witnessed on my own are really sticking out right now to me, but I was so blinded by love for 2 years that it has taken a mended heart and a clear mind to really see this.
What I have realized is that it doesn't matter the size of the family. My family is not huge but we have a lot of love. We don't back stab each other or gossip about one another. We just love. There's no serious drama. I don't want it any other way. I will NEVER fit in with a significant others family or my future husband's family the way that I fit into my own. I hope to be accepted and welcome, but when it comes down to it, I'm a Schiefer, that's where I'll always belong.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
School Days, School Days.
I'm just having one of those days. One of those days where I just have WAY too much on my mind. I'm worn out. I'm burned out. I work four days a week and go to school five. That's nine days... There are only seven in a week. I know I've taken this on myself, but after six week of this schedule, I just want to sit and do NOTHING. I am in the seventh week of spring quarter of junior year. Its becoming crunch time. Crunch time for the quarter and crunch time for my college career. My parents are pushing getting a Masters Degree. I'm considering it. I'm thinking of counseling. My counselor has helped me so much, that I would love to help adolescents with their struggles in life. I'm not guaranteed a job right out of college. I haven't signed a contract with the military and I'm not in the medical field, therefore, there's a high chance there won't be a job for me when I get out of school. I figure more schooling can't hurt. I emailed my adviser today about meeting with her to discuss this. I can't believe its time to actually start thinking about what comes next. All I've known for 16 years is school.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
May Flowers
Hello May.
Man, we're already into the 5th month of 2010. Almost half way through the year. WHERE'S TIME GOING!? I'm half way through the quarter then my junior year of COLLEGE is over. This is crazy to me. I remember when my older sister was in college. I was in middle school; the time of awkward crushes and body image insecurities. Middle school was great though when I look back on it. You're biggest worry was what to say to your crush of the month and what you were going to wear to that month's rec center dance. Now I have to start thinking about graduation (which is in a year...oh golly), whether or not I want to get a credit card, decide if I want to get a Masters degree and if I want to stay in Ohio of move away and see a new part of the his country. Time machine back to 2002 please!
Man, we're already into the 5th month of 2010. Almost half way through the year. WHERE'S TIME GOING!? I'm half way through the quarter then my junior year of COLLEGE is over. This is crazy to me. I remember when my older sister was in college. I was in middle school; the time of awkward crushes and body image insecurities. Middle school was great though when I look back on it. You're biggest worry was what to say to your crush of the month and what you were going to wear to that month's rec center dance. Now I have to start thinking about graduation (which is in a year...oh golly), whether or not I want to get a credit card, decide if I want to get a Masters degree and if I want to stay in Ohio of move away and see a new part of the his country. Time machine back to 2002 please!
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